"This is a piece written by me. However the Joke is one I heard years ago and is unfortunately not one I came up with. I hope that the original creator of that joke will appreciate my efforts to add a little spice to it."
The passengers on a Boeing 737 airliner had all been seated for several minutes without anything happening. Most of them were regulars on the scheduled Monday morning flight from Shelby Island to the mainland.
"Ladies & Gentlemen, we apologise for the delay," the cabin attendant announced over the intercom. "We are waiting for the pilots."
The announcement took the passengers by surprise. Most had assumed that, as usual, a fellow passenger who had checked in was taking his sweet time to board. As they spoke amongst themselves, there was general agreement that the pilots routinely boarded all commercial flights prior to permitting passengers to do so. The situation was unprecedented.
"Ah, I hear footsteps." The speaker was seated just behind the main cabin door. "Must be the pilots."
Seconds later, a Labrador on a lead entered. The dog was followed by a man wearing a pilot's uniform. He held the other end of the dog's lead in his left hand. In his right hand, he carried a white cane. All those who witnessed their entrance were so flabbergasted that they initially missed the piece-de-resistance. Despite that it was a dull, drizzly morning, the pilot had on his nose a pair of dark glasses with frames and lenses, both of which were thick enough to guarantee a roaring trade at the next annual conference of the welding fraternity.
Next followed another man in a pilot's uniform. He also wore similar dark glasses. His left hand was outstretched to enable him to hold the back of the first man's arm as the dog led the two of them down the aisle.
At first, all who witnessed this scene gasped in shock and horror. This gave way to smiles and much laughter as everyone concluded that they were of course all the victims of an elaborate prank or candid camera stunt. Some passengers looked around the cabin to see if they could spot anything out of the ordinary which might house the camouflaged candid cameras.
As the two pilots reached the cockpit door, everyone expected them to turn around to join in the laughter since their game was now obviously up. Instead, the pilots opened the door, entered the cockpit with the dog, and the door closed behind them. This provoked a further round of belly aching laughter.
The laughter faded eventually and those with a view of the cockpit door kept beady eyes on it as they waited for it to open again. Some looked at the cabin attendant, who responded by replacing a calm stoic expression with an airline issue fake smile. She then went about her business with a nonchalance almost convincing enough to cause some to wonder whether they had imagined the whole thing.
Many suspected that she had to be an actress or crew member who was in on the whole gag. On the other hand, if she was a crew-member who was not in on the prank, then she deserved everything she was being paid and more for her straight face and collected demeanour as the outrageous events around her had unfolded.
Several minutes passed during which the passengers cultivated growing expectations that the two men would exit from the cockpit to confirm that this had all been a prank or a candid camera hoax.
An uneasy quiet interspersed by the occasional giggle descended. As the minutes passed the giggles became more intermittent and some even betrayed a slight hint of nervousness.
After several minutes, the aircraft's engines started up. Obviously, this was all part of the hoax and it was intended to ratchet up the tension. Any second now, they thought. Perhaps they will use the public address system to end this. As they waited for the inevitable reveal, there was nothing they could do except to focus on the maintenance of their forced smiles.
They all looked around at each other in surprise as they felt the brakes being released. The whine of the aircraft's jet engines became louder as the it began to taxi to the runway. Perhaps, they used real pilots to make the hoax more convincing, some thought. Others wondered whether the actual pilots had been hiding in the cockpit all along. If so, it would be quite a squeeze with four of them and a dog.
Most commercial flights inevitably include a couple or so passengers who either suffer from, or have recently conquered, their morbid fears of flying. Experienced crew members know that one can safely add a dozen or more so-called nervous fliers to that number.
One passenger who had an acute phobia of flying stood up and declared at the top of this voice that he did not think this was a prank or a hoax. Instead, he suspected that something was seriously wrong. The panic in his voice was such that it caused a chain reaction of panic amongst many more passengers, including some who did not fall into the "nervous flyer" category.
"I can assure you, everything is quite alright," said the seated air hostess to the passengers in her section of the cabin. "Please remain calm. Remain seated and keep your seatbelts on. There is no cause for any concern. " Her deadpan expression and fixed smile did little to comfort or to relax any of them.
The aircraft turned onto the runway and the engines spooled up. A few remained convinced that an announcement from the cockpit would put a timeous end to what had been a convincing, but perhaps slightly drawn out hoax. No such announcement followed.
Instead, the aircraft's breaks were released and the aircraft started to gather pace as it blasted down the runway.
Since most of them were regulars, they knew that the airport was located on a small, flat plateau near a vertical cliff face. They were also well aware that the runway ended shortly before the cliff ended. Due to the geography of the plateau, the runway was considerably shorter than normal. A long, six hundred foot drop awaited any aircraft whose pilots weren't paying full attention to their take-off's or landings.
It was also common knowledge that most passengers who flew regularly from Shelby Airport had come to recognise the precise point at which the aircraft usually rotated and lifted off the ground, because a little hut near the runway, emblazoned with bright orange and white blocks, conveniently marked the spot.
The cabin crew had long ago realised that the shorter runway and the long drop which lurked precariously at its end routinely caused many, if not most, passengers flying from that airport to instinctively hold their breaths and to grip their seats during the take-off roll, until the aircraft was safely in the air. But most never admitted to, or even spoke of this fear. It was something mostly kept to oneself, although others no doubt felt the need to share this fear with any hastily adopted deity willing to entertain their impromptu prayers during the take-off roll.
As the aircraft approached its usual rotation point, many knuckles turned white from the pressure as many passengers further tightened their steely grips on their arm rests. As the aircraft reached the usual rotation point, most passengers instinctively pulled at the arm rests in a concerted, but vain effort to assist the pilots to raise the airliner's nose. But instead, the aircraft continued speeding down the runway without the slightest indication that a lift off was imminent.
The screams of those with flying phobia's were soon joined by those of the nervous. And as the aircraft continued speeding along the runway, the remaining passengers added their not insignificant contribution to the deafening cacophony. It now seemed obvious that something was wrong. It also seemed inevitable that certain death now awaited them all at the fast approaching cliff face. Those with window seats could even see the perimeter fence ahead of them as it "rushed" to "meet" them. Those who wished to look away somehow remained transfixed in sheer horror as the realised that the fence now represented the end of their lives as they knew it.
But, without warning, as if their combined prayers had at last been heard by some benevolent and divine being with questionable hearing, the aircraft rotated, lifted off the ground. and made it over the fence by a what seemed to be a surprisingly comfortable margin, given all the circumstances.
The passengers gradually permitted themselves to exhale, and audible sighs of relief were emitted from all parts of the cabin. Some applauded. Others exchanged "high fives".
Most grinned or laughed in an unconvincing attempt to portray that they had not seriously believed that the airliner had been in any real danger of crashing.
Meanwhile, in the cockpit, the one pilot leaned over, felt around a bit and then grabbed the arm of the other.
"You know, Joe," he said. "I swear, that one day they wont be paying attention and by the time they do start to scream, it will be far too late."
See: Comment on Dewani Trial
http://siegfriedwalther.blogspot.com/2014/12/dewanitrial-to-after-blasts-case.html
See also: Dictator calls election: http://siegfriedwalther.blogspot.com/2014/06/dictator-announces-election-jokes.html
http://siegfriedwalther.blogspot.com/2014/06/boxers-lucky-glove-stolen-ahead-of.html Russian Boxer loses lucky glove
& serious article on MH370: http://siegfriedwalther.blogspot.com/2014/06/mh-370-new-atsb-theory-does-not-exclude.html New ATSB theory does not exclude unlawful act as main cause of loss of aircraft.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/467833 Oscar Trial Verdict
And this: From Aviation Humor :
LOCAL NEWS REPORT:
"A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon.
Search and rescue workers have found two survivors and recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening."
#humor
#jokes
#humour
#aviation joke
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